Summer is here, that’s the positive, the negative is that I can’t stand it!! Who actually wants to come to work when it’s 33 degrees outside, not me! It’s very typically British of me though to moan when it’s cold and now moan when it’s boiling hot, I just want it to be warm with a light breeze, is that too much to ask…I think not. Anyway, I digress.
It seems like every week now that something terrible is happening in the world, be it reading about the Orlando shootings on Twitter, hearing about the Nice attacks on the radio or watching in shock at the attempted takeover of Turkey on the TV, you can’t help but get sucked into all the horrible and depressing stories across the world.
So it’s no wonder there isn’t much time for being happy and staying positive, although with so much negativity around who can really blame us.
I write this whilst plagued with a nasty sore throat, a runny nose and an inability to go 5 minutes without coughing like I’ve smoked for 20 years, so I’m not exactly looking on the bright side.
Talking about looking on the bright side, I was thinking about the first time me and Matt met, which was probably around 5 years ago…if you ignore the times we probably blanked each other at High School years ago when I didn’t even know of him.
We met on a dating app, as is ever the socially acceptable method for Gay men these days
We met on a dating app, as is ever the socially acceptable method for Gay men these days, and began chatting on a daily basis. For me at least, most of the boxes were ticked;
- He had a profile picture, which dramatically reduced the odds that I was talking to some complete psycho;
- The photo was of his face and not of some other area that should be reserved for much later in the relationship;
- He didn’t ask me for a ‘inappropriate’ picture, very classy;
- He could actually write in full words, as opposed to the usual ‘⇑’ ‘⇓’ or some other sort of emoticon foreplay;
- I wasn’t asked if I was a bear, bear cub, otter, fox, or some other random animal that determines my physical features;
- He actually seemed interested in getting to know more first;
- And lastly, but probably most important, he was cute!!
The first date finally arrived, a casual coffee catch up, sparks flew (at least for me) and I was hooked. I’ve learned over the years that you should always have some sort of poker face when dating, never quite let them know where you are at as to avoid heartbreak. This was never more true on our next date.
A classic movie and dinner, like some typical american TV drama, only not in such a glitzy location (not unless you class Xscape in Castleford as glamorous). The night started at Harvester, now if you know me this is probably the last place I would ever pick to go for a meal, a free salad bar just doesn’t do it for me!!
We quickly moved on to a movie, Paranormal Activity 2, I should have known this night was going to end horribly!! On the drive home Matt seemed quiet, I tried not to dig too deep and then when we pulled up outside my house we both awkwardly mumbled away until I eventually plucked up the courage to ‘be a man’ and go in for the first kiss….big mistake!!
Awkward isn’t a strong enough adjective to describe how it felt, and I hastily removed myself from the car, bid him farewell and ran inside the house to internally shout at myself and analyse how I could have changed what happened.
…’it’s not you, it’s me’ soul destroying iMessage, crushing my hopes and dreams in the process
That very evening, Matt kindly let me down in a way that deserves a special note, in the form of a ‘it’s not you, it’s me’ soul destroying iMessage, crushing my hopes and dreams in the process (maybe that’s a little extreme)!! I soon turned bitter and cut him out of my life completely, even so much that if he even tried to look at me on a dating app it would be returned with a stern, ‘why are you looking at me?’. The block button was almost clicked, how times have changed.
Let me just make it clear, it was Matt who asked to get back together the second time. I had seen that he had messaged me on an app and I decided to reply. We got chatting again for a bit and he mentioned us going to the cinema, I thought just as friends but he had different ideas.
When we got back that night he sent a message apologising for not kissing me but he wanted to take things slow. I had no idea he wanted something apart from friendship, so I had to quickly decide whether he deserved a second chance? It’s now nearly two years later and I’m not regretting the decision I made.
Sometimes you cannot rush a relationship, and sometimes people need a little time to realise what they want, be it friendship or a partnership, but no matter how hard you try you cannot make someone feel something they do not…
So back to my original point I started at the beginning of this blog, our lives are filled with so much negativity and problems that are completely out of control. So take the opportunities you can to be positive, look on the bright side and let things go. Don’t take things too personally, text that friend or family member who you haven’t spoken to in a while as you never know when the opportunity might be taken away!!
Until next time…