Imagine if you will, a scene filled with men (and women) grunting and groaning, them dripping with sweat and brimming with pent up anger and emotion. No, this isn’t me describing a low budget porn film, but simply what awaits you at 99% of gyms these days.
Yes, the section designated for weights at the local gym is usually crammed with sweaty men screaming and panting as if they are giving birth to some mini hulk just bursting to get out. Their efforts to lift that extra heavy weight in an attempt to gain that extra inch to their biceps or make us see them abs which they so casually show off in the changing rooms whilst gliding around as if they have so conveniently forgotten how to put a t-shirt on (not that I’m complaining). I guess all this moaning comes from my sense of jealousy that I don’t have their body or the mindset to get that body.
But, do I actually want this body if it means me joining the Mean Guys of the gym. Let me explain in the best way I know how; through the medium of classic chick flick Mean Girls. There are a number of different ‘tables’ at the gym, which one do you sit on:
The ‘Serious gym goers’ table
These are the guys and girls I so kindly described at the start of this blog. They have all the right gear, they spend at least half their lives at the gym and then the other half taking pictures of their hard earned body to make all us other gym folk feel terrible about ourselves, leading us to eating a full tub of Ben and Jerrys just to try to make ourselves feel better, just me?
They have a strict routine to keep their bodies in peak physical condition, and if you dare get in the way you will more than likely regret it. Probably best to stay as far away as possible and try not to get in their way.
The ‘I’m only here for January and then I’m going to fail miserably’ table
This group of people have the best intentions in the world, they overeat at Christmas so automatically assume (correctly most of the time) that they need to join a gym to beat them January blues and lose the overhang.
You have gotta love a trier, apart from the fact that they take valuable gym space up, or taking your usual locker space up. Best for this group to avoid the ‘serious gym goers’ for fear of being squashed or belittled.
Do not worry, as soon as February 1st comes 95 percent of these will be gone, not to be seen until the same time next year.
The ‘I don’t want to see my wife so I spend all my time at the gym’ guy
Every gym has one, that guy who seems to be at the gym all the time. No matter what time of the day you go, or which day of the week, he will be there getting his Mr Motivator face on (shame on you if you don’t know who Mr Motivator is) and whittling the time away in his favourite place. How he has the time to see family or friends beats me.
Even though he spends all his life at the gym pretty much, his body shape doesn’t change at all, weird.
The ‘Greatest people you will ever meet’ table
These are the people at the gym who are actually there to get fit and healthy, make conversations with other people and are overall nice types.
Sure, they may verge into the ‘Girls who regularly eat their feelings’ clique but this group of gym-goers do not lose hope and just keep getting back on that horse.
I like to think I’m part of this group.
The ‘Mean Guys’ table
And finally the ‘Mean Guys’ of the gym, these are very similar to the ‘Serious gym goers’ but they bite if you dare step into their territory. Picture them, they are there flexing and stretching whilst talking to themselves in the mirror, shaking from what is scientifically termed as ‘protein shake withdrawals’ and will not give in until they get the 100 likes on Instagram they are so dutifully owed. If you try to break their concentration they will surely erupt with pure animalistic instincts.
They are very much like marmite, you either hate them or loathe them, but in our hearts we all want to spend a little time at this table.
Which table do you sit at? The idea for this blog has come from my sudden addiction to going to the gym. I myself am prone to the odd Instagram (the shame) and have even started having a post-workout protein shake every so often.
But I guess the point is that everyone should take the gym at their own pace, no judgements from anyone. Don’t be put off, get off your ass and make that change in your life, no one else is going to do it for you.
Until next time…